Critiquing

Some Gentle Advice

Crap on my poem.
Please.
Beat it to the ground
in a dark alley.
Break its bones
and leave it
behind a dumpster
to die.

The double fudge sundae
sprinkled with pralines
won’t do it any good,
neither will
the cheek pinching
and head pats.

It will come to resent
the disingenuous
enthusiasm,
or worse,
believe it.

If, however, it survives
an hour in hell,
it will breathe
diamonds
and fire,
it will walk
between worlds
of the living
and dead.

Some Gentle Advice

Crap on my poem.

Please.

Beat it to the ground

in a dark alley.

Break its bones

and leave it

behind a dumpster

to die.

The double fudge sundae

sprinkled with pralines

won’t do it any good,

neither will

the cheek pinching

and head pats.

It will come to resent

the disingenuous

enthusiasm,

or worse,

believe it.

If, however, it survives

an hour in hell,

it will breathe

diamonds

and fire,

it will walk

between worlds

of the living

and dead.

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7 thoughts on “Critiquing

  1. Sorry, but this is a great poem! I’ve already re-read it four or five times. It’s mad, it’s mean, it’s funny, it’s honest…it’s excellent.

  2. Pardon my saying this, but I do like it. Especially the first three segments. (I tend to identify with the negative, but that’s my problem)

  3. This is a great poem. . . it’s way too early in the morning (5:45 am) for me to make a real comment, but the last stanza hit me hard.

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