Connection

The molten center
is chained
to Everest winter’s
shallow breath
and frozen eye.

Great grandfather’s
fat pocket watch
fits my hand, yet
ticks to other times.

This blacktop street
before my stoop
delivers the pulse
of Prudhoe Bay, Alaska
and Contagem, Brazil
through my feet.

Tendrils of time
and roots of place
run through each swirl
of ocean current
and each fissure rising
through grey mountain stone.

Our hearts dance
within us
when we meet
and the ripples run
all directions,
through every
subtle turn
of then
and what is yet to be.

Whole worlds breathe
in and out
as one.

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19 thoughts on “Connection

  1. Much to like here Matt. The Narrative has an easy, gentle flow to it and the smattering of aural poetic device you employ helps the flow and delights the ear/eye – your street/feet perfect monosyllabic end-rhyme is nicely distant and passages like the following contain alliteration which serves to underscore the content/theme there –

    within us
    when we meet
    and the ripples run

    The proper nouns, especially specific places, always bring interest and make a Narrative relatable – Everest, Alaska, Brazil.

    Visual device is pleasing in many places and quite evocative, as here –

    Everest winter’s
    shallow breath
    and frozen eye. >great line

    The first two thirds of this I felt stronger than the last; the closing two stanzas felt a little vague in the wake of some sharply-worded and very specific poetry, with phrasing such as

    through every
    subtle turn
    of then
    and what is yet to be.

    Whole worlds breathe
    in and out
    as one.

    > this sounds quite nice but it feels like ideas/thoughts the poet knows the exact meaning/nature of but to this reader at least it could have been a little tighter and more exacting. The sentiment is not an issue.

    The front end of the penultimate stanza also feels quite generic in phrasing –

    Our hearts dance
    within us
    when we meet

    ‘hearts dance’ a well-worn phrase and the three lines a little overly-sentimental perhaps, but nothing a slight edit wouldn’t fix (if you agree). All merely my opinion, of course. As a whole, the poem has a great deal to offer and I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for linking up with Crit Friday Matt.

    • Luke,
      as a novice blogger, a “private” writer, I thought this critique was very interesting and, for me helpful…
      I thank you for taking the time to do this…very thoughtful.
      ☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine

  2. I’ve run out of superlatives. The premise of this one reminds me so much of William Stafford’s An Afternoon in the Stacks. If you get a chance, read it. It’s one of my favorites. Great poem, Matt!!

  3. Luke, I agree about the last two stanzas. I was impatient to post something and got vague toward the ending. Will revise. I have to go down to my folks now, so won’t be able to do critiques of others’ poems until tomorrow afternoon/evening.

  4. nice…i like mostly…agree with luke the second to tast stanza needs some work to match what you have going in the rest……love the stanza on the pocketwatch..my grandfather gave me one as well….

  5. While I am not as poetically versed as some, I thought it was a beautiful well written piece, but when spoke aloud I slipped up a bit on the “of then and what is yet to be” and the stumble took me a word or two to recover from. Other than that (which could have very well been me!) I personally find no flaws here. Fair warning though…I’m going to learn lots through this, which will make me better able to find fault! (insert evil giggle here) Thought it was great Matt!

  6. Love it Matt – I think this stanza could lose an ‘and’

    Tendrils of time
    and roots of place
    run through each swirl
    of ocean current
    and each fissure rising
    through grey mountain stone.

    I like the last stanza as it stands.

    I feel the second last stanza:

    and the ripples run
    all directions,
    through every
    subtle turn
    of then
    and what is yet to be.

    could be better grounded in strong images like the ones you use in the first two stanzas. At the moment it feels vague to me. But this is only my opinion and feel free to disagree 🙂

  7. The molten center
    is chained
    to Everest winter’s
    shallow breath
    and frozen eye.

    What an intriguing beginning to a poem full of divergent streams converging. There’s a lot going on in this short poem which heightens the interest. I don’t have a lot to add to Luke’s assessment. I too felt a lack of focus beginning at ‘Our hearts dance’ and I think that the poem has great potential to be strong throughout. Great work; thank you for sharing it.

  8. I like the way you have drawn your connections. Those first three stanzas work beautifully for me ( though I wish you’d connected with places I can pronounce correctly. my failing, not yours)
    “roots of place” has a good, solid sound, but something about “tendrils of time” seems less than fresh.
    The switch to plural left me wondering a bit: do you intend a universal, or is this a person with whom you are connecting, a romance of dancing hearts?

    The last two stanzas might be made a little more concrete, but don’t lose the breathing, pulsing concept. In fact, you might add that element to the fourth stanza, as it is the only one that lacks a reference to the human body.

    Enjoyed.

  9. I love the first four stanzas…especially liked the pocket watch that ticks to a different time. that thought alone took me on a journey.
    certainly the last two stanzas need to be more specific for me…it was as though the voice changed here, as if in fear of something private being revealed… though probably it is me who is confused!
    I really enjoyed this read.

  10. Hopefully sorted out profile.
    Just in case – AKA Tom Eliot.

    This opening is standout – couldnt shake it – hence the revisit – cracking!

  11. First off, this is just my opinion and I do thank you for the opportunity of giving critique to your piece.

    I like the way you write, but am just having some problem with the 4th, 5th, and last stanzas.

    I think that you don’t need the last stanza. And as for the 4th and 5th, I feel like I the flow from the previous stanzas.

    But all in all, I like it. Again

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