She Carries Me

I roll my heart down the hill
to see how far from myself
I can be and still feel whole.

Not that far, I realize,
collapsing in a senseless
pile of muscle, organs, bones.

She finds it dead among weeds.
I open one eye and look
at the sky, flex arms and legs,

feel strength building through the hour,
stand to see her far away
carrying my heart to lands

unknown. I cannot catch her
but she sustains my being.
I travel far from myself,

more whole in her gentle hands
than ever through years alone
when seemingly complete.

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37 thoughts on “She Carries Me

  1. Yes, I can see you polishing this Matt, but really, its got an excellent core from top to bottom in image and feel. Might need a minor tweak here and there, but I really like the fourth and fifth stanzas just as they are. The substance is some high flying word work.

  2. i like it…the opening stanza in particular…i like the story…if you do tweak it i would tighten the close a bit and give it a bit more pow…

  3. Well tinker away if you have to, but this is a great idea and I really like what you have so far.

    I thought about the Lou Reed song “Trade In” while reading this (there’s a part in the lyric where he describes his detached heart, wrapped in tin foil).

  4. now that’s what love does to us…right… esp. love the first stanza matt and even if you always have to be careful with the word heart in poetry, i think here it works really well because rolling the heart down the hill is just a great image..

  5. Wonderful poem, Matt. Very original. Tweak it if you must…but don’t become a Sysyphus…trying to roll that heart uphill. I love that visual of rolling your heart downhill. Cheers!

  6. I wouldn’t touch a thing! I love this, as is. One of those brilliant thoughts that had to be rushed to the paper…those thoughts should stand on their own merits. I thought it wonderful!

  7. This is a little gem Matt. If it were mine I’d pare down the usage of the word ‘heart’; just use the first one and replace the other two with ‘it’ or a suitable alternative. A different title too, but other than that I wouldn’t tinker too much. Perfect hook in the first line and a momentum that sustained the piece all the way through.

    Not that far, I realize,
    collapsing in a senseless
    pile of muscle, organs, bones. – love this, without heart we are nothing.

    Terrific write.

  8. A fine line to walk between the raw freshness of first thought and the refined pruning of editing. Sometimes the edit robs the piece of vitality so I would advise a gentle breeze for this and not a scalpel. There are some startling images dripping with compassion that I’d hate to see domesticated. Wonderful work.

  9. Such wonderful words–love the imagery, carrying heart to “lands unknown.”
    And especially like the final line:

    ‘I travel far from myself,

    more whole in her gentle hands
    than ever through years alone
    when seemingly complete.’

    Am hearing the words in my head “You complete me.” from the movie Jerry Maguire. Oh, that we could all be such a part of someone’s life. *Sigh*

  10. Hello Matt.
    This is indeed a fine poem.
    The opening lines are striking as is the ending.

    Very nicely done!

    Thanks for the visit too. Much appreciated.

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